till friday

i cant wait until friday night so that i can see her i havent seen her in so long i miss her so much and i just want to talk to her and tell her really how i feel and how its going to go down. im hopeing that steph doesnt efeect the way she acts around me because i really want to see the tru her how am i suppose to know if she has changed if she doesnt show me that she has changed. im hopeing that friday her answer will still be yes and if its not it will crush my heart to pieces but like everyone else i will move on. ill just have to wait and see..i just dont really want to do this pep rally and get booed and everything that would be fucked up.
? CA & LB? maybe i dont know.

Travel deep,deep into the red dripping long heavy drops on to the pavement. showing memories through each drop. you become entranced in the sound, the sound of water hitting water drip, drop, drip. blame the pain on your life, hide it under the sheets. you move forward everything is allthe same, you move back, your parents become the one to blame. turn it towards you the sound gets louder drowing the sound of people crying for you. you fall back, not much to do everything is lost. all that you have known is founf to be untrue. lies, lies and more lies fill the sir taking over the space accompained by oxygen. the force gets closer you adredaline gets higher, love of the force invades you mind. watching the pool fill the creases is like a thought out dream stalking you lonely kin. staining the tan deepened surface of the place you feel safe. close your eyes and open your mind just sit and listen. the light draws closer you let go of the edge falling into paradise. until...bam! ligth turns to dark your nightmare of life turns into a miserable eternity you never avoid...your chance to be right is gone controlled by the master himself. saying goodbye forever, you mourv and you weep forever. that is the ETERNAL EMO!!!!

i am now in a relationship again

i have a boyfriend now but i dont really feel confortable just yet because it has been 3 years sense I have been with a guy and I feel unconfortable. i get more and more confortable everyday but today im having second thoughts, i dont really know what to do i dont want to do.....

dont know what to do

these last few months have been crazy,i have a girl tell me that she cant be with me because we wont get to see each other even know we live like 4 blocks from each other, then I've had a girl tell me she only likes me as a friend and no more then that and that i just need to leave it at that, but at that same instance i have had a girl that i have liked for awhile tell me that she likes some playa gangsta bitch from Easton, i know i shouldn't get mad but what am i supposed to do. i love this girl soo much and i want to be with her but it seems like nothing is working out for me anymore. i thought that we had something for a minute there but i guess not. i just cant wait to see her i fell so comfortable around her and i want to be around her all the time if i could. she says she cant wait for me to turn 18 well you know what i got to say to her if she doesn't want to wait for the person she supposedly loves then fine ill get over it. i want both of us to be happy not just me. i know it sounds like I'm only thinking about myself but I'm not, i don't want anything bad to happen to her, i want her to do what she wants to do in life not what i want. she talks about she wants to go to this college in Baltimore but i see she still aint trying to go. i want her to get a job she would love. you know she wants her own restaurant somewhere and i told her why don't she go do it then and she gives the excuse of money. i was like why don't you get help then. however she wants to be stubborn and not listen to anyone.im not worried about it anymore its whatever im just going to do my thing and get the job i want for my life and let her do whatever she wants for her life, she doesnt plan to have me in her life in the future anyways so ill just give up. in love i just dont know what to do anymore.

i tired of the bullshit

right now i have a problem with my love life. i dont have a girlfriend anymore me and her broke up a couple weeks ago again. we are always off and on in how much we want to be with each other. usally the reason why we break up is because we get into arguements and we just cant stand to look at each other anymore so we say "its over" and dont really talk in that way for about 3 weeks and then out of no where we get back together and everything is back to normal. whenever me and my girlfriend end up breaking up i end up having a crush on someone else and try to talk to them. well while we are on that same subject ill tell you about the lastest problem i have gotten myself into. just a couple weeks ago i fell in love with this girl name courtney i dont know what it is about her but i just love her so much and she just can get off my mind. she says that she loves me but she she is still with the guy that is supposedly hurting her everyday , i am tired of her always saying thing and not acually doing what she says but then again its not that easy . this weekend was very fun and i wish that all weekends were that fun i enjoyed it so fun that i didnt want to leave but honestly thats every weekend that i am over there.unfoutunatly i also have a straight girl chrush on this hispanic girl named abby ahe just amazes me so much and i wish i had the courage to go up to her and just ask her if she likes girls in that way so i know if i have a chance or not. everytime i see her i just want to melt but i also do that for someone else too in a way but more for her. i want her so fucking bad but oh well i dont think it is going to happen. she raises her eye brow at me everytime i say something like she likes it and then today at lunch when i was playing around with her talking about that she and her freind were my little helpers and stuff she just made me feel so much better from the pissed off person i was in the morning after talking to courtney. when i feel back on abby and she put her arms on my sides and held me up i wanted to turn around and just tell her that i like her and ask her out on a date or somthing even know she cant really talk english. so as you can see i really do have alot of problems in my life at the moment.knowing me ill probably be back and write more on how i have been with love. probably not even until i acaully get another girlfriend or the same one that i had , i hope abby turns out to like me more then a friend cuz that would make me really happy im just hopeing that she is a sophmore or freshman so i still have a year to find out how she fells wish me luck :}...im out

adults why?

what is with adults they are always trying to be our friends and always trying to act so cool.i dont mean to be mean but unless you know how life is these days for real and know all the shit kids go through these days then your not cool you shouldnt even try.most kids dont like when their parents give the "back in the day"talk were not worried about what happened in your hayday.we are jaut trying to get through our life not yours,so please parents stop trying to bring all your days up we dont care.i also dont like when the parents are always compareing young kids to the way they used to be,we are not the same as you its a diffrent genereation stop trying to make us like yours. i mean i even know that when i get older i might even remember these days in school but im not going to bug my kids about it i know they dont care and i know they have it worst then me probably or maybe they will have it better id never know but i do know that i would never waste their time with my nonescence unless they want to know.

age

is age really a problem when it come to relationships?should that really stop people from being with the person that they love?i dont think so because if you go back to our ansesters they naver cared about age they used to marry off 12 year old girls to rich old men that were like 40 or something.if thats not bad and is still happening in other countries why do people in the united states freak out when people fall in love with people that are just alittle older then them.like me i am in love with this beautiful girl that is 7 years older then me in my mind it doesnt change anything but for my parents it is like its the worst thing i could do in my whole life.i love her so much and i believe that is all that matters.love has no limits or bounderies.we should be free to love who we want not be closed into our own age limit.its some bullshit.i just think society should realize what they are doing to peoples hearts and brains.i believe that will help them realize why people are so depressed and hurting all in side.

favorite vids for right now

1. linken park:shadow of the day
http://music.aol.com/video/shadow-of-the-day/linkin-park/2010402

i like this video because its peaceful and i feel this song in my heart.this song is like a confused person and im a confused person that needs a way out and this song gives me a way

2.j.holiday:suffocate

http://music.aol.com/video/suffocate/j-holiday/2019909

i like this song because i dedicate it to my girlfriend and the way whenever i am near her i can breath but i cant leave her because i love her so much.

3.rihanna featuring ne-yo:I hate thatI love you

http://music.aol.com/video/hate-that-i-love-you-feat-ne-yo/rihanna/1976636

i love this song because it just reminds me of me and my ex how we are broke up he can still get me to be happy with him no matter what i still love him so much.

4.missy elliot: Ching-A-Ling

http://music.aol.com/video/ching-a-ling/missy-elliott/2071389i like this song because ive always been a big missy elliot fan sense i was a little kid and she first came out.i like this song because its got a very hot beat that i can get down to with out being brain dead before i start.

class schedule

1st period:government honors mrs.kenny
2nd period:english 3 honors mrs.howell
3rd period:spanish 2 senora mcquiod
4th period:computer apps 2 mr.stover

global warming

right now we are at a point in our world`s life when it is heating up more then usual.or is it?.some say that the earth is freezeing and that it is just seeming to heat up becuase all the cold is forcing all the hot top air down to the soil where we can feel it.yes thanks to so much air pollution and green house gas not being able to be released we have a hole in the ozone layer.there is not much we can really do sense its already started.
the only thing that i can really say is recylce.maybe try to get a car that uses pollution safe fuel.try your best not to stop polluting the world is a much as your home os your own house.you wouldnt want someone to come up in your house and trow trash on your floor you would get mad.so then why would you throw trash on the "floor"of everyones home planet.its your planet people be generous and pick up after yourselves.
thats all i can suggest at this moment because i myself am on a pollution rehab right now.so i am pretty much taking my own addvice.now if you are so concerned with living the rest of your life you would take my addvice too.pleace i dont want to die anytime soon and im sure no you in the rest of the world including you would like to die either.recycle,dont smoke,chill down on gas and carbon deposite.please just think really hard not just about yourself but about other people as well and go green,help the enviroment.i know i am

dogs?

Dogs - wolves in the living room or man's best friend?. I believe that dogs are wolves in our living room but stuck in the puppy form just like cats are lions and tigers stuck in the kitten form.dogs show their dog form when they loss their mind or eat raw meat and start attacking people because of the smell of blood.their wild side was groomed out of them along time ago but now they are beginning to learn their old ways again.when you see stray dogs they have a sense of directions.household pets are so stuck to their masters and they depend on us to survive.
if you look at a dogs face and compare it to a wolves face you can see the resemblance to each other.when you baby them and don't let them go off by themselves you are keeping them in that stage most wolves are out of only 2 weeks after they are born the mother wolves try not keep around the pups to much to let them gain their individuality.this is good for when they get older and want to be the alpha dog.feeding the dog allows him/her mercy and causing the pup to be dependent on you for the rest of its like.then at the same time not all dogs are wolves in puppy form because some dogs are bleed specifically for the care of human such as shih tzu`s and chihuahua`s.
these dogs would never survive life outside the human home.when every one is dead and gone the world will once again be run by animals.if household pets can manage to get out of the home and find some food their natural wolf sences will kick in and they could survive for awhile and their population will in large again.dogs like the husky that have the most resent orgin in the home are the closest relatives to wolfs.these dogs are so use to the wild they even love the snow.

sex,drugs and rock-n-roll

I believe that this old saying is great for the older rockers but not so good for the younger,i don't really believe that its a health hazard. Now just because i said that doesn't give you the hint to mess up the young kids fun.Just because sex and drugs are in the same saying as rock doesn't mean that they are alike and come with each other.Most young rocker that listen to rock just listen to the music they don't listen for the boos.Music doesn't influence drinking,if you want to drink that is your own choice and you influence yourself not music I don't believe that the rock-n-roll part of that sentence is the problem its more of the sex and drugs.
the rock-n-roll part is fine because its just music its someones own preference.the sex and drugs is the problem.you never hear about people dieing or getting anything that can kill them from just listening to rock music.with drugs you hear about people always overdosing and selling them then getting shot or something drugs are the worse thing you could possibly get involved with you never know when something bad could happen.then,with sex you can get any kind of of disease in any kind of sex so there is no actual such thing as safe sex.you can get herpes,gonorrhea etc. the list goes on.what I'm trying to say is that just because they are in the same sentence together don't blame the music for the actions and results of sex and drugs.
most rockers will say that this saying is a way of life for any rocker but not every rock star is like that.back in the 80`s and 90`s rock was a revolt on the government leading to the drugs and sex because they wanted to do anything that the government didn't like it was a way of getting even and being different.everyday rock changes into something clean and beautiful music for the juvenile,understanding the bullshit kids have to go through this day in age.its not the life style that is the health hazard it is just the wording.

gay marriage

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day off

i am soo happy we have off of school the second friday in one school year that never happens i am exstatic..plus any peron loves a school day off.its awsome.yaaaaaayyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

love

i love my girlfriend so much she has helped me through a whole lot of shit and i am very grateful for that.i love her so much she has everything i ever dreamed in having in a girlfriend.she is smart,funny,i can talk to her about anything but then again there arent to many girls that you cant really talk to about anything but anyways she is amazing.she knows how to keep me happy and half the time she doesnt even have to try just seeing her and talking to her makes me smile.she is so beautiful and she likes everything i like so its easy to start a conversation.i never thought i would fall in love but here i am fall for a girl i have known almost all my life.ya we might have our occasional arguments but what couple doesnt,no worries we make up afterwards.i can never stay mad at her for a very long time i guess thats just part of the love.i believe she is the one, you know the saying "god made someone for everyone,you just got to find that person"well i think ive found her i love everything about her and i beleive i can spend the next years of my life with her.im serious i am that in love.

tired

im tired of my family discrimanateing againist me.i wish they would just love me for who i am. however,i dont really care much anymore because thanks to my girlfriend im beginning to get over it.she told me that i just need to stop worring about what other people think and to just be me and be the person i want to be.i should be free to do as i please and be happy with the way i am,to not be afraid to talk in a certain way around family or friends i just wanted to say i am so thankful for her adive she has really helped me out through the years.thankful i am less scared to be open with my sexuality and ive never been happier.

today

today cartoons are so stupid.some of them i cant even believe that kids would even watch.like dora the explorer i mean i know they want little kids to learn spanish or a diffrent lanauge younger and everything but do you really have to turn it into this annoying little cartoon.then they got these cartoons that the people look like they have ant hills for noses and there eyes look like they are about to pop out of their heads that shit is stupid but hey its cartoons right their not real.for intense look at this onewith crazy chickens that fight againist munkys.http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/games/chopsocky/bigtrouble/ see what i mean!

korn is awsome

korn is like the best fucking rock band of all time.i have all their cds and even know they have lost two of their oringinal members i still love their music.i this their music changed for the best.its a new year we need to bring in a new style of music.enough though i said that korn lost two of their members and that they are still rocking that doesnt mean that the korn fans around the world forgot about them.brian welch and david silveria is still in are minds and hearts.however,i do like that they have joey jordason from slipknot as the new drummer its pretty kool still. ................this will continue later......................

things

life in a small town sucks everyone is so nosy and you cant hind anything from anyone no matter what it is.when someone new comes in town everone notices and when someone breaks up with someone or gets in a realtionship with someone everyone knows like the minute it happens.i hate it.it is so annoying.then it also bothers me when people are nosy about who is with who but when they find out and they dont like who is together they go crazy and justs runny their mouths.plus,i despise homopobic people i think they just need to get over what other people are doing with their life and maybe just try to keep their life straight,sound good?i think so. i mean i know everyone is raised a diffrent way but why do people have to treat gays like they are some kind of sin their not.they are humans just like anyone else their not aliens they didnt just drop from the skies one day.they have feelings too i wish homohobic people would just realize that everytime something bad is said about gays it not only hurts the lesbian or gay guy that it is talking to,it hurts all of us.if your reading this and you are a homophobe you might as well leave now because as you can tell i am a very open lesbian and if you dont like gays then you dont like me so just leave.ill be back later i need some time to cool down.peace,peaches and pinnapples